i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
