You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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