Got a toothbrush?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
how drunk are you?
Several
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
