We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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