How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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