she was so not down for the gang bang
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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