I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
