I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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