I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
