i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
