and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
