My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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