i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
