don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize