Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
