she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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