I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
