Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
