In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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