Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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