T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
