Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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