break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.