Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole