yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We're too hungover to prance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.