Please, let me fuck your mom
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
