She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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