that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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