and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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