Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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