it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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