Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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