went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Quick, to the slutcave!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
