the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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