put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
