I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
