Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
