So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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