You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
