I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
