listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love you. Go after that dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
