I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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