I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to make out with him forever
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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