I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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