Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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