I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize