know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
