FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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