i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
