I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
