I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dick has a subreddit
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
