My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
