Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
did i just pee glitter
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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