he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
