and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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