My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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