have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize